Its along road after all

One thing I've learned from everything is that everyone lets go different. We say with our month that we forgive them but yet with our heart we speak something different or we let go thinking that they can't never be the same or be made different. I tweeted the other day "just because chapter 7 turned out to be a long chapter full of drama and hell, don't mean that chapter 8 and the next chapters will be full of the same mess." Alot of times we just the "books" down when we don't like the way one chapter turns out to be. We miss out of something great because we are too afraid to really let go and move on. I've learned this as well is that we mess out of our own blessings by saying "I am done and it's over." I realized that it's not done nor is it over until God said it is. We like to call things to be over but however we aren't prepared spiritually for it to be over. I've learned that no matter how many times I've prayed and asked God to give me the strength to let go of this and that or even them I can't. I never thought that being spiritually connected was real until I actually having feelings and seeing things that I didn't know what it was until I asked God what was going on. So He revealed to me what it was. Honestly I don't want to spiritually connected to someone that don't want me can't stand to be around me, don't want to talk to me. I prayed and I asked God to just remove the connection all together because I don't want it. For months I've prayed and I've asked God to work things out differently. So yes do I have an attitude with God yes I do. Do I want this connection no because the person that I am connected to don't want me. So do I give up the fight??? Do I continue to pray for them and just walk away because clearly they don't want me because of my past. Ugh, What do I do? Being a christian a saved christian will cause for you to be connected to people that don't even what you around them. That's messed up in so many ways because you want to be there for them and you want to be around them just for them to talk to you but however because of the stuff that you have done that will never take place anymore because of the things that you have done so now they can't trust you but however we all have done some things that we ourselves would be so surprised that we actually did it. HA, I didn't mean that as an excuse to nothing that I've done. But the Lord has freed me from my past so if the only thing you can talk to me about is the past thing yes, I do think its best that you keep your distance from me. Why? Because we have nothing to talk about I am moving forward and if you are moving forward also then the past shouldn't exist. I asked a few people that has been through worse and why did they stay or give that person another chance and their reply was because through the mess I realized that God has brought me through some stuff and in that person yes they was mad and has done some stuff that their friends told them to walk away from they would never change they ain't nothing and will never be nothing, they told me that they saw something still in that person and taking that risk was one worth taking. At that moment I wanted to tell them what I've done but they told me that if they love you enough to look past you and see the stuff that they have done in their past then really forgiving you and moving forward and letting God take full control then they would be back. So then I said to myself that I still believe even if they don't believe. It's a long road after while. This one person stocked me and told me of the things that was done to them and they said all thought many people was hurt when God placed them back together gave them the strength to really forgive and forget alot of people that wasn't for them showed them their true colors. Alot of times when we go through alot of people would show us how they feel about us by their actions either during or after but alot of people stick around after the dust has settled to see whats your next move. Believe it or not that's when they make their move either to stick around or leave. It all depends on your actions and the decisions you make in the long run. So what am I trying to say right now... Let God direct you and when He do direct you don't fight it nor try to find doubt in it. If someone has changed look in the door to check of them. Don't be so quick to throw in the towel because of a bad season. One thing I told God was this I am not going to stop praying for this until you make it happen. Sometimes God wants to see how much you really want something before He gives it back or to you. Actually I am ready for the next level.... I messed up but I am ready for what's next. God you lead and I'll follow.