Saturday, August 13, 2011

Its along road after all

One thing I've learned from everything is that everyone lets go different. We say with our month that we forgive them but yet with our heart we speak something different or we let go thinking that they can't never be the same or be made different. I tweeted the other day "just because chapter 7 turned out to be a long chapter full of drama and hell, don't mean that chapter 8 and the next chapters will be full of the same mess." Alot of times we just the "books" down when we don't like the way one chapter turns out to be. We miss out of something great because we are too afraid to really let go and move on. I've learned this as well is that we mess out of our own blessings by saying "I am done and it's over." I realized that it's not done nor is it over until God said it is. We like to call things to be over but however we aren't prepared spiritually for it to be over. I've learned that no matter how many times I've prayed and asked God to give me the strength to let go of this and that or even them I can't. I never thought that being spiritually connected was real until I actually having feelings and seeing things that I didn't know what it was until I asked God what was going on. So He revealed to me what it was. Honestly I don't want to spiritually connected to someone that don't want me can't stand to be around me, don't want to talk to me. I prayed and I asked God to just remove the connection all together because I don't want it. For months I've prayed and I've asked God to work things out differently. So yes do I have an attitude with God yes I do. Do I want this connection no because the person that I am connected to don't want me. So do I give up the fight??? Do I continue to pray for them and just walk away because clearly they don't want me because of my past. Ugh, What do I do? Being a christian a saved christian will cause for you to be connected to people that don't even what you around them. That's messed up in so many ways because you want to be there for them and you want to be around them just for them to talk to you but however because of the stuff that you have done that will never take place anymore because of the things that you have done so now they can't trust you but however we all have done some things that we ourselves would be so surprised that we actually did it. HA, I didn't mean that as an excuse to nothing that I've done. But the Lord has freed me from my past so if the only thing you can talk to me about is the past thing yes, I do think its best that you keep your distance from me. Why? Because we have nothing to talk about I am moving forward and if you are moving forward also then the past shouldn't exist. I asked a few people that has been through worse and why did they stay or give that person another chance and their reply was because through the mess I realized that God has brought me through some stuff and in that person yes they was mad and has done some stuff that their friends told them to walk away from they would never change they ain't nothing and will never be nothing, they told me that they saw something still in that person and taking that risk was one worth taking. At that moment I wanted to tell them what I've done but they told me that if they love you enough to look past you and see the stuff that they have done in their past then really forgiving you and moving forward and letting God take full control then they would be back. So then I said to myself that I still believe even if they don't believe. It's a long road after while. This one person stocked me and told me of the things that was done to them and they said all thought many people was hurt when God placed them back together gave them the strength to really forgive and forget alot of people that wasn't for them showed them their true colors. Alot of times when we go through alot of people would show us how they feel about us by their actions either during or after but alot of people stick around after the dust has settled to see whats your next move. Believe it or not that's when they make their move either to stick around or leave. It all depends on your actions and the decisions you make in the long run. So what am I trying to say right now... Let God direct you and when He do direct you don't fight it nor try to find doubt in it. If someone has changed look in the door to check of them. Don't be so quick to throw in the towel because of a bad season. One thing I told God was this I am not going to stop praying for this until you make it happen. Sometimes God wants to see how much you really want something before He gives it back or to you. Actually I am ready for the next level.... I messed up but I am ready for what's next. God you lead and I'll follow.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Being pushed

So much is stirring up in my spirit. I don't know who is gonna read this blog but however I want you to know that everything is gonna be alright. I want you to understand that everything happens for a reason and that before you call your season to be over ask God the reason. The bible says in all thy getting get a GOOD understanding. Alot of time we sick and we look at the pain that is taking place in our life and we look at the scars that are left behind and we hold on to them as a reminder of the past but little do we know that after awhile as we become older those scars that was once there will soon fade away. One day I found myself going through trying to figure out where to go and how to go about it. I found myself trying to work things out on my own only to realize that the more I tried to work things out the more I found out that things wasn't getting any better but was getting worse by the second. I thought I had it under control but realize that the more I thought I had it under control the more I was losing control. So finally in the last of the days of me being in that season because we do realize that we all go through different seasons? At the end of the reason I found myself looking unto God like never before trying to figure out what was going on and where was I. I would stand in the mirror and see a stranger. I would go to church day in and day out covering up my pain. I was looking at the point of spiritual death. I would praise God tell him thank and that was that. I would sing, pray and even speak from time to time feeling like blah. So one night found myself laying in the dark and all I could hear was a voice asking me if I was done yet? And without any pause or thinking I said yes. Sad to say that everything didn't start to turn around for me. My sleeping pattern was still off and I was still feeling blah! So finally I prayed unto God asking him why was I going through this why was all this happening to me? Why now? So DAYS after WEEKS AFTER I finally got the answer. The Lord said He needed to get the old Jazzmin out of me. He had to let the old Jazzmin run until it realized that it could not beat the new Jazzmin. The reason why you went through so hard was because your New woman was standing behind your old man pushing her out the way. So I got confused and like most people I told God I didn't understand His point. So he said this for awhile you would find yourself in the moment where you wanted to be happy but couldn't find away to be happy. You was looking for joy in all the wrong places and at all the wrong times. You wanted peace but the old you was blocking you. I needed a chance to get you to come running back to me. So yes for weeks I let you go through like never before do things outside of your character I had to let the old Jazzmin run her course because she's stubborn. God told me that it was like the story of Job God allowed the devil to run his course with Job. So I asked God so is that why the more I asked you to get me out of things the more you told me no and His reply was yes. The reason I am telling you this is because sometimes we need to let God take control of things. I was looking at the point of death. I would have times where I didn't know what to do nor who to turn to. In my weakness was when God stepped right in and got behind the NEW me and help push the OLD me out of the way. So I write this blog to let you know that your coming out of things.  Don't ask God to stand next to you nor to carry you through but this time ask God to get behind you and give you a push. Sometimes a push is all we need. Don't ask him to pull you out because you might get hurt or something might pop out of place but to just give you a push. I realized that thats why it was so easy for me do the things that I was doing thats why it had become not of me to do those things because I allowed people to pull on me every which of way. So instead of me asking God to push me out of the situation I asked him to pull me out of something. Look at it like this in the winter alot of us has found ourselves stuck someway somehow and alot of times people would come along and ask us if we needed to be pulled or pushed out of the snow bank and depending on how we was stuck most of us would agree to being pulled out not realized that when we are pulled out we can't see whats in front of us but that person and we also don't realize that while we are being pulled out we causing damage to our bumper. You ask where am I going with this.... Well I am glad you asked that, the next time someone ask you if you need them to pull you out of a situation tell them, tell them you would rather be pushed because when I am being pushed out I am realized that some force is coming from behind me and I am able to see whats in front of me. I am prepared to slide into the direction that I am meant to go in. So whatyou might go through a light so what you might run the risk of someone running into you and when they do don't let it destroy you but let them that ran into you know that you have full coverage assurance. I realized that when I was finally pushed out and the new Jazzmin told God Lord you lead and I'll follow that was and has been the best thing that has happened to me. I was afraid of change I thought it could not take place in me but I then realized that I was going through to realized that I needed to change. Many may not understand me and they maybe the ones that is around to remind me of my past but however unlike like before that is behind me. So I leave you with this things may not be looking up for you right now or things maybe looking funny remember that there is always someone standing behind you to PUSH you into place.