Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Where do I start? What should I say? Do I let him know how I feel or do I just keep things the way they are? Oh my goodness this man, I mean really y'all this man has my heart and I wonder if he really know how bad things are killing me right now. Yes, I know I messed up. I walked away but things wasn't suppose to last this long. I mean how can I stand outside the store looking at something that was once mines. I mean is love suppose to hurt this bad? I love him!! I love that man so much!! I never once LOVED a man the way that I love this one that I am watching now. It's like standing here watching your favorite thing be burned the more you want to jump in and save it the more you can't. He asked me if I would be his friend and I said yes. He told me to say 'I love you' to him and I did. Now I wonder if he realized that I meant that from the bottom of my heart. I am going to be honest and agree with my parents.... Real love comes around only one time and the bad part about it is that it waits for no one. In order to be loved and to get the love that your heart wants is going to cause for me to do some stuff that's going to make me step back and ask myself if I am dreaming. Like pride comfort zones GONE!!! Wow!! I love that man and I wonder if he knows that? I wonder if he know that that's the reason why I just can't let him go. NO, I can't move on/ I can't go and build a home nor a house at that with someone else. No I just can't do it. That's some pain that I refuse to go through. I mean WOW!!! I love him and want him back and I wonder if he would ever get a chance to see all that I have to offer him. Now that's real talk!!!

Until next write... Remember follow your heart and all your dreams will come true.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

I am

First I gotta start off by saying you will never get no where always looking back in your rear view mirror. I am far from perfect. I have made ALOT of mistakes and some of the things I've done wasn't an mistake. So is my life full of mistakes?? Ummmm..... Nope that excuse I will not use. As you can see that we have control over all the things that we decide to do no matter what they are, but however that's not why I am writing this blog. I am writing this blog because I have somethings to share. Like how to do you let someone know that they have a problem and that they need some help? Or how do you let go (completely) of your fears? I mean yes we are humans and everything and having fears is something that's part of our human personalities. But however for those that call their selves children of God and speaks on having so much faith this question is for you. Yes, this is to the super saved and all. How can you be so afraid of something that 9 times out of 10 you asked God for? How is it that we are so able to let everyone know about their issues but shut others down when it comes to our own problems. As you can see I am not afraid of nothing anymore.I had to realize whose I am and that if I am His then fear and worrying and dressing and drama can't dwell inside of me anymore. The greatest part about being Christ's own is that He laid down His for us and picked it right back up to show us that He love us..... Can you say unconditional love? Because I can say it. Jesus then came back and gave us the decision to choose Him (which is life) or in enough said words or ourselves. For in Christ we only die one time. In Christ we have abundant life. Yes, sad to say that this life that you decide to take in Christ is has some test but yet they are easy to past. Some days aren't going to be made easy but how ever you will get past it and when the next day or something like it comes up you will be prepared you would have the wisdom to overcome it. I am the one who had to realize that I had some problems and mainly those problems was me. Those things that I thought was great really wasn't great. I was selfish, spoiled, stubborn, self centered, prideful, but mainly full of myself to the point where there was moments when no one wanted to be around me. To the point where I clearly just pushed those that I knew loved me out of my life. I mean I didn't care what I said to people nor how I said it. I am the one who said once before that I would never change. I even said that God and His really was yeah right! I am not going to lie I kept on with that until I God made me start to push alot of things out of my life. Like being spoiled selfish stubborn self centered etc out of my path. In order to get to know who you are better you first have to just really push pass the mess of road blocks that you pushed in your way. I even realized that you have to go back and go thru some of those closets and clean them all out. Well maybe once again I am doing too much but I don't care because I am ME! I have no problem with saying that I am not perfect. Forget what you may have heard, I've changed and I have the report card to show it. Yes I have some IMPROVES and I have some NEED TO IMPROVE (because I am not perfect) but I know that those will change some day. I don't know what to say about the drama and pain and sorrow and worrying that you have in your life. All I know is the best way to get over it is to speak death all over it and how you do that is by letting it all go and never look back on it. Y'all the devil is real and yes his only power is to stop you from going in the right direction. Let me tell you this... the reason why your not happy in that relationship or at that job is because you are afraid to let go of the worrying and let God take care of you. You say that you are He's and that He is yours so when are you going to let God take care of you the way He wants you to. No, He is not going to leave you alone HE is always was just a name call away. Let Him take care of you. It was said like this " WHEN I MOVE YOU MOVE.... JUST LIKE THAT" I can hear God telling some people right now"When I move you move... Just like that" You gotta let go of the past. Yes, you and your boo baby husband wife girlfriend/boyfriend, mother father sister brother whoever have had a horrible past and yes they have came back to you better then before and yes they want to make things right and my advice to you is let them in because your better then what the others have said about them. Your better then what you have even said about them. Can I tell you something your not perfect either. Stop trying to put on a front like you are perfect. Everything out of your mouth is your going to hell and this and that... Hello sweetheart you have no heaven nor hell to send me to so you can chill out with all of that and stop trying to get God to handle someone because you feel as if they are up to no good. Now what if they are doing to something good? Listen just because you say that you love them but yet don't trust them and that you can't do no harm to them don't mean that God is going to do some harm to them because God isn't like that. He said that He would fight our battles but sometimes you gotta get dirty too now. We as Christians are always so quick to say well I am going to wait on God to come through with a plan well let me be the rain that comes through and mess up your party... Sometimes God has already came and told us what to do and how you would know that its God is because no matter what it is you will feel some type of peace come about. Yes the devil will talk to us to and try to get us to listen to him and yes sometimes we do listen but when you learn God's voice you will know the difference.
 I am the one who is happy with Christ being COMPLETELY in my life. I am not afraid of nothing anymore and you shouldn't either.

Until the next thoughts... Love God and Let go of the fears and doubts... Remember your heart will never have its deserve when your holding on to those fears and doubts.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Do you really believe in the impossible?

This past Sunday I heard a great Pastor here in the city of Detroit ask the question do you really believe in the impossible? While sitting there in service I was took back to the book that I just recently got done reading called "The Christian Atheist". The book made me open my eyes and look at my faith that I have in God. I questioned myself while reading this book. Sadly to say I had come to the conclusion that I was a Christian Atheist.Yes, this girl who was brought up in the church was a Christian Atheist. I was walking around believing in God but acting as though He just didn't exist until I was going through something. Alot of people might be surprise by my confession but it was said once before that confession is good for the soul and the word says confess your fault one to another. Writer Craig Groeschel wrote this book from his own personal experience. The bible says in Titus 1:36 "They claim to know God, but by their actions deny Him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good."  Perhaps you might question why I am writing about this and how to you this is something that us Christian's shouldn't want to be revealed but I realized that I'll rather reveal myself then to have God do it because when God do the revealing it will be worse then what we would have ever thought of. But however, I am a recovering Christian Atheist. I was the type that believed in God but when I prayed I had no faith. I believed in God to the point where I thought He wouldn't come through. I even believed in God to the point where I would get mad because He would bless everyone around me, ha, everyone but me. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (2. Cor 10:5) Alot of times we take what we know that's not of God and make it of Him. We would rather spend all day doing the wrong just to avoid doing whats right. We would take and wrap ourselves up in so much drama just to face the truth. I know I know I am doing to much and I just might be making you mad but this is my story of how Christ gave me another chance to believe in Him COMPLETELY. In one chapter of the book the Christian Atheist Groeschel speaks on how we have to "can all excuses"! Now that's something we have to learn to really let go of and not look at. We would spend alot of time coming up with excuses and worry to the point where we miss where God is taking us. Its never too late to start trusting and believing in God totally.