Thursday, July 7, 2011

A safe return....

I was once asked repeatly to bring back the woman I fell in love with and each time I was asked that I tried to bring her back only for things to get worse. Well after 2 whole months of HELL I can proudly say that she is back... I am back. I don't expect for things to be the same but however I do expect for the greatness to be better then before. This has been a hard time for me. I have went through a depression like never before. If it wasn't one thing then it was another. I was raped not just phyically but mentally. I went through therapy like it was water only for me to get no where. I was looking at the point of death when I decided to try to kill myself. I couldn't take it no more. I just wanted things my life back and I realized that I wasn't gonna get it back. I thoguht God had forgot about me. I was raped, tried to kill myself and now I am being stalked by someone that I am being told is me. WOW!! How is it that I am stalking myself? I didn't know I could something like that. So raped, suicide attempted, and now being stalked so this is life for me? Many people would tell me to keep praying and praying and I did and nothing changed. I never knew how it felt to be going through something like that. It was told to me that it was an attack of the devil. But I couldn't for nothing in this world would make me realize that it was the devil because I thought the devil wouldn't mess me. I mean I was in church all of my life. I would speak at different churches on different events. I mean church was in me. But then it hit me like never before that I was being attacked and that the more I wanted for God to take me out of the situation he wouldn't do it. So I asked God to step into the situation with me and that's when things started to happen for me. Every gifts that I thought I lost came back to me. The connection that I thought was gone was back. You know it hurts to know that someone is running from you not because they want to run from you but because they don't want things to be the same. They would pull every card they have to get you away from them. I don't sleep since I've been back because I am up thinking about him and the reasons why he is running from me. I know things went south but through God they can get better. He thinks about me I know and wants me back I can feel but he is so stubborn to the point where he is now running and pushing me away. It hurts and everyday is a step for me. The connection is there and its like he don't even care. But a safe return... I wonder when that would happen completely for us.....

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